It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did i walk over a car last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
