The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
