tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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