why didn't you poke me back
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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