Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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