i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
