belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
