you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
