I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
