JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
