but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize