sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
