if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
