so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
