Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
