WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just gargled with NyQuil
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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