Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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