i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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