Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
