Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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