Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
