2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize