Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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