I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize