Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
