yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
