I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
