why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
