you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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