idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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