You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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