I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
