I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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