All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
not ubering you a puppy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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