oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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