He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
