I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
