Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
