There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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