you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
