A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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