I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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