So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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