the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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