just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize