There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize