Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
babies were throwing up all over the place
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
