SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
