oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
