if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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