i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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