tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
