why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
