I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
