I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
