ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize