Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
