So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
