is your mom at the bar?
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
