I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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