my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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