I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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