ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
