i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
