you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
