i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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