Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
